Is reconnecting with an ex boyfriend after years a good idea? Let’s find out

Nostalgia can make us forget the toughest times. But if you are considering reconnecting with an ex boyfriend after years apart, you should take a breather and think about the consequences carefully.

In this article, we’ll explore the idea of reconnecting with an ex after years of not seeing one another: how to do it, why you might want to do it, and whether or not it’s a good idea.

Reconnecting with an ex boyfriend after years apart – before you dive in

There are plenty of reasons why you might want to reconnect with an ex boyfriend after years of not seeing them. Perhaps you just want to know what they’ve been up to. Maybe you received a Facebook request from them. Or maybe you feel like they are the “one who got away” and have high hopes of rekindling your old romance. 

Before you even think about reaching out, ask yourself why this is so important to you. 

Reconnecting with an ex while married if you still secretly harbor feelings for them could put your relationship in jeopardy, and isn’t fair on your partner. 

Once you are clear on your motivations, you have to prepare yourself mentally for a possible rejection. The other person may have moved on and gotten married. They may not be open to rekindling a relationship or even friendship with you. They may even harbor resentment or anger towards you. 

Set and manage your own expectations – and theirs – early on if you want to avoid either party getting hurt or upset. 

Is it a good idea to get in touch, though? If you ended the relationship on good terms and if the relationship was positive (and not abusive or damaging), getting in touch and reconnecting can be wonderful.

As we get older, we tend to view our past romances with rose-tinted glasses, and it’s easy to become fixated on the idea that you are “meant to be” with your ex. If you plan on getting in touch and getting back together (even if that means breaking up your ex’s current relationship), take a step back. Chat through your ideas with a therapist or trusted friend. Chances are you had a good reason for breaking up with your ex (or vice versa), and those problems might not have gone away in the meantime.

How to reconnect with an ex after years apart

Now that you’ve done the “emotional homework”, we can look at the practical aspects of reconnection. Reconnecting with an ex years later can be tricky, but the good news is that you probably know a lot of details about them that can be helpful when you are trying to locate them. 

If you are still in touch with their parents or siblings, you can simply ask for a phone number or email. (This can be quite helpful as they can broach the subject of getting in touch with your ex before you speak to them and let you know whether or not it’s a good idea). 

You can also consult social media (particularly Facebook) or LinkedIn and send them a direct message. 

If you can’t find them online, try using a public records search. All you need to do is enter their name and whatever other details you might know about them, including past addresses, past phone numbers, or their date of birth. The public records search will produce information about their whereabouts and most recent contact information. 

Once you find them, send a friendly and non-committal message. Don’t pour your heart out right away! Stick to something simple: “Hey Joe, I was thinking about you and wondering what you were up to. Would you be open to exchanging phone numbers or having coffee sometime?” If they say no, or ignore your message, respect their privacy and leave it at that.


Reconnecting with an ex boyfriend after years apart could lead to renewed friendship, renewed romance or major disappointment! Unfortunately you won’t know what will happen until you try it. Hopefully your efforts will be received in a positive way, but if not, sometimes it’s best to leave the past in the past and move on!

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